**/**/25 [16:12] – I REMEMBER

I Remember.

I remember my first service, with starter dreads, I have no idea what hairstyle I was going for. I remember that I was the first one there, I was waiting for the pastor to arrive thinking what is going on. I smile as I write this. I remember the first message, I later found out it was a HYP service. The pastor spoke on the difference between the rewards of a righteous man compared to the rewards from a prophet (Mt 10:41). I particularly related to this message, just that summer is when I started to believe in God after hearing words from a prophet.

I remember how lost I was, how empty I was. I remember my deep search to be fulfilled in one way or another. I tried fitness, I ran all the time, I ran two half marathons. I wonder what I was running from… I found peace and serenity in those lonely runs at night. I remember when I got good, that was when it was fun, I chanted, I spoke to myself, it felt exhilarating. I remember looking into self-help – I watched countless YouTube videos about it. I started taking cold showers, going to the gym, journaling. I loved journaling; I found it beautiful to write out my thoughts, it gave every day a sense of importance. I remember trying out meditation; what a waste of time that was. I remember trying to be cool, getting into fashion and dressing like my friends. I remember feeling like a misfit, like an inbetweener. I remember smoking weed, drinking, going to parties. I remember feeling like this wasn’t me, what have I become. I remember lazy days, accomplishing nothing except recovering from the night prior.

I remember that day when I found out God was real. I looked like I saw a ghost. If God was real, then the bible is real, and if the bible is real, then what on earth was I doing with my life? I remember the first couple Quiet Times, they were so short, I was barely consistent. I remember that faithful day when I met with the Holy Spirit. I often reminisce about that moment… the day I met with God. I see the tears rolling down my face, I see the wonder in my eyes. How I tried to recreate it, but it was never really the same. The purity of that first love, there is nothing like it.

I remember when a friend told me that you can become familiar with God. I was shocked and taken aback. I asked her to repeat herself. Wow, it is true. I fear that has become a reality in my life. Someone told me I lost my spark. I whispered to myself, “damn, you see it too”. Yeah, that twinkle in my eye. That fire, that zeal, so pure, it only comes with those who are truly close to God.

Oh, but I remember! Haha. I remember the good old days when God used me. Right? I remember the early days when everything was like a movie. Right? I remember when I met with God. I remember when my pastor prayed over me. I remember those encounters, I remember when God spoke to me. I remember those rhemas! Wait.. don’t tell me they have stopped? He still speaks, right? You’re still close.. right?

It’s nice to remember, but surely that’s still your reality?… Right?

Jesus spoke to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:27, He called them whitewashed tombs. A tomb holds something that is dead but used to be alive. But we are to be the temple of God (1 Cor 3:16). A temple carries something alive – God. Where has that life gone? You can still have a reputation that you are still alive (Rev 3:1), but you, heaven and hell know, that you are closer to a tomb than a temple. May my past not be greater than my future. God has already started a work in you, he is faithful to bring it to completion.

“David, there’s more”, I hear those words from my shepherd echoing in my spirit. God’s not done with you, press on…

Philippians 1:6 NLT – And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 KJV – Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

May my past not be greater than my future.

**/**/24 – A RUSHING WIND

I can never forget the first time the Holy Spirit visited me in my room. When you meet God, you never forget it. I remember vividly every time I met with God. This is about my first personal encounter with the person of the Holy Spirit.

I had just recently had my Holy Ghost Baptism, what an experience. I was filled with His spirit and I experienced the presence of God in a real way for the first time. I remember my excitement after my Holy Ghost baptism. I ran out of the room and went to a kitchen downstairs (they must have thought I went home). I called my girlfriend at the time, and also my parents, explaining what just happened and describing the experience I just had. They were a lot less excited than I was but that didn’t affect me.

I made a 9-minute video to myself, warning the future version of myself to never doubt or forget what had just happened! Being a recently converted atheist, I found it plausible that my future self might one day denounce Christ and frivolously disregard this experience. By the grace this never happened, but that version of David had to make sure. So in this video, my eyes are wide open with a passion, as I describe what just occurred. In all honesty, I was not so concerned about the actual gift of speaking in tongues – that came later. Rather, I was enthralled and captivated by the place I was just at. You see, this was not just a normal Holy Ghost baptism, I felt like I was in another realm, the spirit realm! I felt like I was no longer on earth. I was so amazed at the presence that surrounded me. It was so unmistakable and unavoidable, I could not go back to reality in that moment. I couldn’t believe it was real, I had never known about the reality of God’s presence. Faith was not needed in that moment; the proof was there. I was there. He was there. I was with the lord!

At this time, I still had very little understanding about who the Holy Spirit was, and my quest to grow close to the Paraclete had not yet commenced. As I went home, I was so thankful and happy. I could not believe what just happened. However, as days went by, I became sad. I asked myself, “Is that all there is? Was that just a one time experience? Very enthralling, but was that all? Do I continually have to recall that moment? I hope that memory doesn’t fade over time.” The thought of that being a one time event made me deeply sad. How I longed to understand what that was, or rather, to go back to where I was.

You see, when you are in the presence of God, you never want to leave. This is because God’s presence is our natural state. When Adam and Eve were on earth before they sinned, they were in God’s presence all the time. It was their natural dwelling place. That is why when we feel the presence of God, we are at rest, because that is where we are meant to be. That was the original plan before man fell.

I digress. About a week later. I was doing my quiet time, and the thought was still with me. “Damn, that was all? I guess so.” Little did I know what was about to happen..

As I sat upright on my bed doing my quiet time, I was in a time of worship. At the time, I was getting into gospel music and discovering new songs every day. As I sat and worshipped God, a song called “Most Beautiful” came on. I remember it so vividly. For some reason, I stopped saying what I had been saying, and the only words I could utter were “I love you”. I repeated those three words over and over; they sounded mumbled. I just kept saying, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” no pauses, and I’m not sure why.

Here’s the good part. As the song played and I repeated those words, all of a sudden, I felt a shift in the atmosphere. It was similar to what I felt at my Holy Ghost baptism, but not as intense.. Yet.

All of a sudden, I felt like a wind brush over me. It was like a person had just walked into my room. “The lord thy God in the midst of thee is MIGHTY” (Zep 3:17)! Like a rushing mighty wind, the presence of God came over me, and I could not move. It was so strong, I didn’t know what was happening. The presence of God was in my room. HE was in my room. It was so beautiful. It was a mighty introduction.

From that day, I began a diligent search and pursuit to know the person of the Holy Spirit in an intimate way. I am still on that journey, and hope it never ends. From that day I began to experience His presence in many different ways, at different times and places. From that day, the Holy Spirit personally began to teach me about who He truly was. Funnily enough, at the time I remember calling all my friends, telling them about what had just happened. They didn’t really understand it either. Now I see, it was God beginning a work in my life.

What a privilege to be with God. “What is man that You are mindful of him? And the son of man that You VISIT him?” (Psalm 8:4). If you love the lord, you will have feelings for Him. You should not have a dry, dead Christianity, void of the spirit. Invite the Spirit into your life, He brings life (Job 33:4)!

Whenever I feel like I no longer have feelings for God, I remember this experience, how he first loved me, to visit me and reveal Himself to me. In my search for the Holy Spirit, He has revealed Himself in ways I could never have imagined. He is so real. Begin your search today. Discover that sweet person. He longs to meet you too.

May you too encounter the Holy Spirit. Like a rushing wind.

Most Beautiful:

One thing I desire

Only this I seek

Just to dwell dwell dwell

Here forever

This will be my posture

Laying at Your feet

Oh just to dwell dwell dwell

Here forever

Dearest Father

Closest Friend

Most beautiful

Most beautiful