**/**/25 [16:12] – I REMEMBER

I Remember.

I remember my first service, with starter dreads, I have no idea what hairstyle I was going for. I remember that I was the first one there, I was waiting for the pastor to arrive thinking what is going on. I smile as I write this. I remember the first message, I later found out it was a HYP service. The pastor spoke on the difference between the rewards of a righteous man compared to the rewards from a prophet (Mt 10:41). I particularly related to this message, just that summer is when I started to believe in God after hearing words from a prophet.

I remember how lost I was, how empty I was. I remember my deep search to be fulfilled in one way or another. I tried fitness, I ran all the time, I ran two half marathons. I wonder what I was running from… I found peace and serenity in those lonely runs at night. I remember when I got good, that was when it was fun, I chanted, I spoke to myself, it felt exhilarating. I remember looking into self-help – I watched countless YouTube videos about it. I started taking cold showers, going to the gym, journaling. I loved journaling; I found it beautiful to write out my thoughts, it gave every day a sense of importance. I remember trying out meditation; what a waste of time that was. I remember trying to be cool, getting into fashion and dressing like my friends. I remember feeling like a misfit, like an inbetweener. I remember smoking weed, drinking, going to parties. I remember feeling like this wasn’t me, what have I become. I remember lazy days, accomplishing nothing except recovering from the night prior.

I remember that day when I found out God was real. I looked like I saw a ghost. If God was real, then the bible is real, and if the bible is real, then what on earth was I doing with my life? I remember the first couple Quiet Times, they were so short, I was barely consistent. I remember that faithful day when I met with the Holy Spirit. I often reminisce about that moment… the day I met with God. I see the tears rolling down my face, I see the wonder in my eyes. How I tried to recreate it, but it was never really the same. The purity of that first love, there is nothing like it.

I remember when a friend told me that you can become familiar with God. I was shocked and taken aback. I asked her to repeat herself. Wow, it is true. I fear that has become a reality in my life. Someone told me I lost my spark. I whispered to myself, “damn, you see it too”. Yeah, that twinkle in my eye. That fire, that zeal, so pure, it only comes with those who are truly close to God.

Oh, but I remember! Haha. I remember the good old days when God used me. Right? I remember the early days when everything was like a movie. Right? I remember when I met with God. I remember when my pastor prayed over me. I remember those encounters, I remember when God spoke to me. I remember those rhemas! Wait.. don’t tell me they have stopped? He still speaks, right? You’re still close.. right?

It’s nice to remember, but surely that’s still your reality?… Right?

Jesus spoke to the Pharisees in Matthew 23:27, He called them whitewashed tombs. A tomb holds something that is dead but used to be alive. But we are to be the temple of God (1 Cor 3:16). A temple carries something alive – God. Where has that life gone? You can still have a reputation that you are still alive (Rev 3:1), but you, heaven and hell know, that you are closer to a tomb than a temple. May my past not be greater than my future. God has already started a work in you, he is faithful to bring it to completion.

“David, there’s more”, I hear those words from my shepherd echoing in my spirit. God’s not done with you, press on…

Philippians 1:6 NLT – And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 KJV – Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

May my past not be greater than my future.